Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts

December 23, 2016

Merry Chrismas and a Happy New Year!

Another year gone, another on the way.

Hopefully this one will be even better!

There are some adults in charge again!                                                                       

                                                                          



November 19, 2016

The Importance of Soft Toys


                                                             





Children’s relationships with soft toys is neither superficial nor unimportant to psychological development. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/bbNOLH


Join our exclusive mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ
Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/BI8XKj

FURTHER READING
Sometimes you can catch important things about human nature in apparent incidentals. It’s well observed that between the ages of around one and twelve, many children manifest a deep attachment to a stuffed soft object, normally shaped into a bear, a rabbit or – less often – a penguin. The depth of the relationship can be extraordinary. The child sleeps with it, talks to it, cries in front of it and tells it things it would never tell anyone else. What’s truly remarkable is that the animal looks after its owner, addressing him in a tone of unusual maturity and kindness. It might, in a crisis, urge the child not to worry and to look forward to better times in the future. But naturally, the animal’s character is entirely made up. The animal is simply something invented, or brought to life by one part of the child, in order to look after the other.
More at: http://www.thebookoflife.org/stuffed-...

MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/P0DPzb

Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist:
http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships

Do you speak a different language to English? Did you know you can submit Subtitles on all of our videos on YouTube? For instructions how to do this click here: https://goo.gl/ZPGmkH


SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschoolofl...
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschoolof...


CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Julia Veldman
http://www.juliaveldmanc.nl/      


With many thanks to TSOL                   


                                       
Winnie The Pooh Named Kids' Favourite Book

                                                                

                                                           

September 13, 2016

The Perfectionist Trap


                                                           


With many thanks to TSOL: 

One of the greatest obstacles to a good life is the expectation of perfection. 

If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): http://bit.ly/2c8SGST

Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: http://bit.ly/2c1DdTq 


"We typically aim for a particular career because we have been deeply impressed by the exploits of the most accomplished practitioners in the field. We formulate our ambitions by admiring the beautiful structures of the architect tasked with designing the city’s new airport, or by following the intrepid trades of the wealthiest Wall Street fund manager, by reading the analyses of the acclaimed literary novelist or sampling the piquant meals in the restaurant of a prize-winning chef. We form our career plans on the basis of perfection.

Then, inspired by the masters, we take our own first steps and trouble begins. What we have managed to design, or make in our first month of trading, or write in an early short story, or cook for the family is markedly and absurdly, beneath the standard that first sparked our ambitions. We who are so aware of excellence end up the least able to tolerate mediocrity – which in this case, happens to be our own...."

You can read more on this article and other topics on our blog TheBookofLife.org at this link: http://bit.ly/2clTD85 

                     

                                                                  

More from Wiki:
             
Perfect is the enemy of good is an aphorism, an English variant of the older better is the enemy of good, which was popularized by Voltaire in French form. 
Alternative forms include "the perfect is the enemy of the good", which more closely translate French and earlier Italian sayings, or "[the] perfect is the enemy of [the] good enough". Similar sentiments occur in other phrases, including from English, and are all attested since around 1600.
The phrase is found in Italian as Il meglio è nemico del bene (The better is enemy of the good), attested since the 1603 Proverbi italiani (Italian Proverbs), by Orlando Pescetti.[2]
The phrase was popularized by Voltaire. He first used the saying in Italian in the article "Art Dramatique" in the 1770 edition of the Dictionnaire philosophique.[3] It subsequently appeared in French in his moral poem, "La Bégueule", in Contes (Tales), 1772, which starts, ascribing it to an unnamed "Italian sage" or "wise Italian":[4]
Dans ses écrits, un sage Italien
Dit que le mieux est l'ennemi du bien.

(In his writings, a wise Italian
says that the best is the enemy of good.)
This sentiment in English literature can be traced back to Shakespeare,[5] In his tragedy, King Lear, the Duke of Albany warns of "striving to better, oft we mar what's well" and in Sonnet 103:
Were it not sinful then, striving to mend,
To mar the subject that before was well?

A widely accepted interpretation of "The perfect is the enemy of the good" is that one might never complete a task if one has decided not to stop until it is perfect: completing the project well is made impossible by striving to complete it perfectly. Closely related is the Nirvana fallacy, in which people never even begin an important task because they feel reaching perfection is too hard.
An alternative interpretation is that attempts to improve something may actually make it worse. Neither the Shakespeare and Voltaire constructions suggest perfection, only improvement, lending support to this interpretation.
Earlier, Aristotle, Confucius and other classical philosophers propounded the related principle of the golden mean, which counsels against extremism in general.[6]
      
The Pareto principle or 80–20 rule is a 20th-century analogue. For example, it commonly takes 20% of the full-time to complete 80% of a task, while to complete the last 20% of a task takes 80% of the effort.[7] Achieving absolute perfection may be impossible and so, as increasing effort results in diminishing returns, further activity becomes increasingly inefficient.
Robert Watson-Watt, who developed early warning radar in Britain to counter the rapid growth of the Luftwaffe, propounded a "cult of the imperfect", which he described as, "Give them the third best to go on with; the second best comes too late, the best never comes."[8]
[....]
       What Was the Enlightenment?                            
    
The Memory of Mankind Archive: The Greatest Time Capsule Ever                            



January 16, 2016

KonMari: A Look At 'Decluttering Queen' Marie Kondo’s Tidy Mind



                                                           


 
                                    
The younger you start,the easier it will be. The young man in the video appears to be single and still living at home.Being a female, and married with children will take quite an effort but it can still be done.

Marie Kondo may be the biggest Japanese export since miso soup, but her wild international popularity is mysterious and no one, least of all the superstar herself, is convincingly able to explain it.

Since the English-language publication of her first book, a guide to keeping things tidy, she has achieved the kind of sales usually associated with teenage wizards and middle-class mum-porn. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying has spent more than a year on The New York Times bestseller list, and achieved similar status in Russia, France and Brazil. Kondo has drawn crowds in New York and San Francisco, Paris, Warsaw and Milan. But at the core of her books are ideas that, to most of her foreign readers at least, can only come across as utterly bizarre.
                                                              

“It’s when I explain that things have souls,” she says. “For Japanese people, that’s perfectly natural. In Japan, people feel that inanimate things are their equals. But people in Europe, for example, find it difficult to understand.”

Kondo’s books are not just about folding and packing and shelving and storing (although they include useful and original advice on all of these matters). They are about achieving an intimate personal relationship with the spirit immanent in your humblest possessions — and talking to them. “Dear old screwdriver,” begins a soliloquy in her new book.

 “I may not use you much, but when I need you, why, you’re a genius. Thanks to you, I put this shelf together in no time. You saved my fingernails, too. I would have ruined them if I had used them to turn the screws. And what a design! Strong, ­vigorous and cool to the touch, with a modern air that makes you really stand out.”

                                                                  



                                   

This, it becomes clear, is a dimension beyond Prince Charles-style mumbling to your pot plants. True disciples of Kondo thank their ­earrings, salute their jackets and high-five their handbags. No household item is too mundane to be the object of empathy and indulgence. “Have you ever had the experience where you thought that what you were doing was a good thing but later learnt that it hurt someone?” she asks in her first book, with the raw anguish of personal experience. “This is somewhat similar to the way many of us treat our socks.”

Even to find a publisher for this sort of stuff might be regarded as a lucky break, but The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying has gone a great deal further than that. It has been published in 21 countries, from Romania to Thailand, with 17 more in the pipeline; Arabic and Lithuanian are the newest languages to be added to the list, alongside Hebrew, Bulgarian and Vietnamese. The KonMari method, as it is known in ­Japanese, is brilliant, singular and bonkers, and it has sold 4.8 million copies around the world.

                                                               


Kondo’s name — often in the form of the hashtag #kondoed — has even entered the ­English language. Twitter users speak of ­kondoing their bedrooms, their email inboxes, even the excess apps on their iPhones.

I’d like to say that I knew Marie Kondo before she was famous, but that would be true only in a relative sense. The first time I met her, early last year, she was merely a bestseller in Japan, ­Germany and South Korea. I invited her to my Tokyo flat to perform an abbreviated version of the six-month-long, multi-session tidying consultations — a kind of psychotherapy for the home — that she has conducted over the years with hundreds of clients, and which served as the laboratory in which she developed her ideas.

Like all the best mental revolutions, it is disarmingly simple. Forget about finding the perfect drawers or cupboards. The first and most important step is simply to take your possessions, starting with clothes of the same type, tip them out on the floor, hold each one individually to the light and ask yourself, “Does this spark joy?” If joy is indeed kindled, the item must be retained, carefully assigned a place of storage, folded in the regulation Kondo style, and regularly and lavishly praised. Objects that fail to spark joy are to be thanked, stroked, apologised to and then ruthlessly consigned to the rubbish. The result, Kondo insists, is not only a tidier home, but a life enhanced.

                                                               


Kondo’s clients report profound consequences from the simple act of having uncluttered their homes. Some have lost weight, or finally walked out of dead-end jobs. Some have found the ­conviction to get married; others the strength to divorce. “If you feel anxious all the time but are not sure why, try putting your things in order,” Kondo writes in her new book, Spark Joy: An Illustrated Guide to the Japanese Art of Tidying. 

I enjoyed my brief encounter with Kondo — the underwear drawer on which she worked her magic remains the most orderly part of my home. I have no interest in conventional self-help, but I completely saw the point of her distinctive method and her observation that external clutter can be a symptom of inner unhappiness. But neither I, nor anyone else, imagined that, barely a year later, she would be ranked alongside Angela Merkel, Pope Francis and Kim Jong-un in Time’s list of the world’s 100 most influential people. And so I went to see Kondo again to try to work out who she is, and how on Earth all of this happened.

In Japan, people often become remoter and less interesting the more famous they become — and at first I feared this had happened to Kondo. Setting up our meeting required 39 emails, relayed from my office in Tokyo, through a ­publicist in London, an agent in New York, to a publisher in Tokyo — with the answers returning from Japan to Japan via the reverse route. 

I had assumed that since she had not only been to my flat but run her hands over my underwear, this time I could expect to visit Kondo’s place and have a nose around the home of the world’s tidiest person — but this, it was firmly explained, was out of the question. Having negotiated these obstacles and found my way to her office, however, Kondo was just as I remembered — sweet, self-deprecating, unpompous and faintly mysterious.

                                                                
The first thing that strikes you is how little of her there is. Even by local standards, she is elfin, almost childlike, in stature and build. She is 30 years old and, like many Japanese women, could pass for eight years younger. It is no ­surprise to find that she is neatly turned out, but there is a quality about her beyond mere tidiness, an air of deep restraint and conservatism. 

This immaculate exterior is all the more remarkable for the other transformation, apart from international bestsellerdom, that has come over Kondo. After marrying last year, in July she gave birth to a baby girl, Satsuki. “It’s a drastic change,” she says, “because my life is not my own any more. Until I had a daughter, my life was devoted to the work of tidying. I was totally focused on my work. So this way of life is quite new. Now my happiness is her, and looking after her, and watching her grow up.”

Kondo’s husband, Takumi Kawahara, was her university boyfriend, and now serves as her manager and photographer. Not surprisingly, she says, he is an orderly fellow; indeed, this seems to have been a central part of his attraction. “After we married, when we moved in together, he brought only five cardboard boxes with him.” Five boxes: in the Kondo universe, such asceticism is as thrilling as a rippling six-pack or a powerful sports car.

“It was a surprise,” she says of her huge ­international sales. “My publisher warned me that it’s rare for a Japanese bestseller to become a bestseller overseas, particularly in America. But it’s difficult to say what has changed, really.” What, after all, is a woman whose life is dedicated to uncluttering to spend her riches on? A new home — a humble-sounding two-bedroom apartment in central Tokyo.

The beginnings of all this can be precisely pinpointed to an afternoon in 2001, when Kondo was 16. She grew up in a middle-class home, the second of three children. Her father is a salaryman, her mother a housewife, and an avid reader of women’s magazines. By the age of five, Marie was already poring over them for their housekeeping techniques. “As far as everything else went — cleaning, washing, sewing — I could do it,” she says. “The only thing I couldn’t do was tidying up.” The failure became an obsession. “At school, while other kids were playing dodgeball or skipping,” she wrote, “I’d slip away to arrange the bookshelves in our classroom, or check the contents of the mop cupboard … I had begun to see my things and even my house as an adversary that I had to beat.”

One day, without warning or consultation, she threw out one of her father’s suits and her mother’s handbag. Her defence — that they were never used — went unheard: Marie’s tidying activities were banned. “I thought that tidying up meant throwing things out — I saw it only in negative terms,” she says. “That was what led to my nervous breakdown. One day, I came home from school. There was no one else at home. I still had my uniform on. I was already looking for something I could get rid of. I walked into my room with the rubbish bag in my hand. And I looked at my room, and felt that I wanted to throw out everything in it. That was the ­climax of my stress, and at that moment I ­collapsed unconscious.”

Two hours passed before young Marie came round. “I stood up and in my mind came the words, ‘Look at things more carefully.’ I don’t know if it was an actual voice, or a feeling that came from myself. I believe it was the god of tidying.” It came to her that she had been looking at things the wrong way round — rather than seeking out unneeded objects to throw out, she should be identifying the things she loved and wanted to keep. “That was the moment when I had my inspiration,” she said. “That was when the KonMari method was born.”

I can’t be alone in suspecting that there must be more to this story. For a 16-year-old girl to feel irritable about clutter in her bedroom is one thing, but to fall unconscious suggests much deeper unhappiness. “I can say that when I collapsed I was unhappy,” she agrees. “I didn’t like anything I had — the clothes, the odds and ends in my room.” But was she unhappy in other ways? “I don’t remember clearly, but I didn’t feel unhappy in relationships, including my parents and friends. I just wanted to tidy up.” Surely there must have been something else going wrong in her life, apart from mess? “I’d say that I had lost the balance in myself, balance of any kind, because all I was interested in was tidying up. I didn’t like any of my things. I thought about them in a mean way. That’s why I collapsed.”

A period of anguish. A moment of spiritual crisis and breakdown. 

Then rebirth, divine ­revelation and enlightenment. Even if this doesn’t make sense as a story about a teenager in her bedroom, it makes one thing clear — the ­KonMari method has as much to do with religion as it does with spring cleaning. As a young woman, Kondo served as an attendant “maiden” in a shrine dedicated to Shinto, the indigenous religion of Japan.

 Shinto has no scripture, no commandments, no code of ethics or system of philosophical speculation. Its deities are to be found in mountains, trees, rocks and man-made objects such as cooking stoves and individual grains of rice. Its rituals are concerned not with morality but with purification; the contrast between clean and unclean is as strong in Shinto as the dualism of right and wrong in other religions. Kondo’s white blouse, her love of cleansing hot springs, and her insistence on the souls of socks all derive from this source.

                                                                   


“Japan has many earthquakes,” Kondo says. “The earthquakes cause fires, and traditionally houses were all made of wood, which burnt so easily. In the past, many Japanese have had the experience of destruction in which they lost everything and had to rebuild from scratch. So I think that Japanese find it easier to get rid of things than Westerners do. They can accept that what they possess now will not be with them always, because that kind of thinking is part of their DNA.” Few of them will be aware of it, but the inhabitants of city lofts and suburban townhouses who excitedly kondo their closets are acting out a secular version of an ancient nature religion, rooted in thousands of years of catastrophic Japanese history.
[....]

By Richard Lloyd Parry

With Many thanks to The Australian
More on You Tube

                                                                     
                                                                     

October 13, 2015

Orangutan Adopts Tiger Cubs


                                                                  


                                                       How cute is this?

With many thanks to Myrtle Beach Safari on You Tube

More on Myrtle Beach Safari here.







October 08, 2015

Anemoia: Nostalgia For A Time You’ve Never Known



                                                                    




“The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.” –L.P. Hartley

Looking at old photos, it's hard not to feel a kind of wanderlust—a pang of nostalgia for times you've never experienced. The desire to wade into the blurred-edge sepia haze that hangs in the air between people who leer stoically into this dusty and dangerous future, whose battered shoes are anchors locked fast in the fantasy that none of it risks turning out any other way but the way it happened.

THE DICTIONARY OF OBSCURE SORROWS http://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows...
The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is a compendium of invented words written by John Koenig. Each original definition aims to fill a hole in the language—to give a name to emotions we all might experience but don’t yet have a word for. Follow the project, give feedback, suggest an emotion you need a word for, or just tell me about your day.

Email the author: obscuresorrows@gmail.com
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Di...
Twitter @ObscureSorrows https://twitter.com/obscuresorrows                                                                       

March 21, 2015

Frozen: Some Lessons Can Be Learned - Sisters Before Misters And Others


                                                           




Well, it seems we can’t quite “let it go’’ yet, with Disney Films confirming it’s making a sequel to its gargantuan hit Frozen. 

This comes as no surprise. To date, Frozen has taken in about $1.3 billion at the box office, and that’s before taking into account the millions of dollars the film raised in merchandise, of which I believe my own household contributed a not inconsiderable portion.

(Mine too! Frozen parties are all the rage!)

Frozen was a runaway hit for Disney, and deservedly so, featuring two female heroines and a nice twist on the “handsome prince to the rescue” theme — which we all know doesn’t always end in a fairy tale, don’t we girls?

Now, while there are wonderful lessons in Frozen for the little girls of this world, the film also contains some wisdom we all could benefit from.

                                                                    


So, in no particular order, here are some of the lessons Frozen has taught us.

Let it go.
Obviously, this is the big one, which Taylor Swift cleverly turned into “Shake It Off”, and also made a motza. But the message is a good one. That boy who broke your heart? That girl who you thought was your friend, but turned out to be your frenemy? That co-worker who you are sure stole your sandwich out of the work fridge? Let it go, girl, let it go. Remember, you are one with the wind and sky.

Do not hide your child’s different-ness.
Imagine if instead of hiding Elsa away when they discovered her cryokinetic powers, her parents had enrolled her at a school for gifted children instead. Or, alternatively entered her in The X Factor … “What a pretty dress Elsa, very nice blue — and what do you do?” “I’m going to freeze the entire studio audience.’’ “Lovely!”

Beware the quickie engagement.
You know how it is, girl. You meet a man who seems to fall instantly and totally in love with you. He showers you with roses, he tells everyone he meets you are the one, he proposes, and you, caught up in the giddy romance of it all, accept and the next thing you know, he’s plotting your death and planning to take over your kingdom. These sorts of men are everywhere, and I’m sure there’s probably an actual term for them, and this sort of behaviour. But now, thanks to Frozen, we can just refer to them as “Prince Hans’s”.

The ladeez love the tradies.
We do, and with good reason. They’re so practical, so manly, so handy in an eternal winter, aren’t they? And really, who wouldn’t have picked hunky Kristoff breaking all that ice with his bare hands over Hans, with his bouffant hairdo and equestrian boots? Also, it turns out he was a narcissistic, psychopathic killer, which is never attractive.

Sisters stick together.
Sisters can fall out, have the world’s biggest screaming matches, call each other every single name under the sun, physically attack each other, accidentally freeze each others hearts to death, and still love each other. Another interesting fact about sisters that may be handy for men to know, is while they can call each other every name under the sun, you cannot. Indeed you can listen for years against a non-stream tirade against a particular sister, but the moment you actually join in, you will receive a stare as cold as ice, and wish your own heart had actually been frozen to death.

The best men are usually the “Fixer-uppers”.
Remember that scene in Frozen when Hans’s troll family tried to convince Anna to marry him on the basis that while he was a long way from perfect, he was an excellent fixer-upper? This was excellent advice because smart girls know the best men are the ones who are a little unfinished, a little unsure of their path in the world, a little rough around the edges. So we can change them.

Love is an open door.
Well, sometimes, but you may want to check first that it leads to an actual person, and not a stairwell.
                                                                     


By Frances Whiting


With many thanks to  RendezView

                                                                     
                                                                   

March 06, 2015

It Takes More Time To Change A Habit Than You Think



                                                                    






An unconscious crack of the knuckles, an automatic grab for the salt shaker, a seemingly innocuous eye roll in front of the boss. Bad habits are way too easy to come by and, despite whatever quick-remedy self-help cure-all is blowing up the Internet this week, often way too hard to break.
Whether it's that innocent flip of the hair or something much more insidious, behaviors learned over time — and reinforced time and time again — mostly can't be changed in a couple weeks. That was the major takeaway of a study done in 2009, the results of which appeared in the European Journal of Social Psychology.
Certainly, bad habits can be changed. That's the good news. People stop smoking, give up chocolate, get off the couch to start exercising and stop torturing their poor knuckles all the time. Good habits can be formed to replace bad ones, too. In fact, switching out nasty for nice is something scientists and psychologists have been preaching for years.
But changing a lifetime of cola-guzzling, for just an example, in a couple weeks? In 21 days?
Well, it's possible. Maybe. But you'd better plan for it to take a lot longer than that.
"I think that's one of the biggest problems, when people think they can do anything in three weeks," Amy Morin, a psychotherapist, clinical social worker and author of "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," told MNN. "I think that can set us up for failure."
Number 13 on Morin's list — which first appeared as a blog post on lifehack.org, then went practically viral in other places, with more than 10 million total views — is especially pertinent when it comes to breaking bad habits. Mentally strong people, Morin insists at the bottom of her list, don't expect immediate results.
"When you think about it, even from a logical level, it makes no sense," Morin said of the 21 days to a miracle movement. "We really like our habits. [Breaking them] requires a lot of hard work. I think we underestimate how hard it's going to be. And we overestimate our abilities [to break the habits]."
The paper in the European Journal of Social Psychology studied the length of time it took participants in a study to replace bad habits with good ones. The fastest was an astonishing 18 days. But the average time to change, among the participants who self-reported their results, was not three weeks but closer to three months (66 days). The high end of the spectrum, for replacing bad with good, was a whopping 254 days.
So someone expecting to change a life habit in 21 days — no matter how motivated that someone might be, or who that someone might be — is probably expecting a little too much. Still, huge numbers of books (just check out this Amazon list) all but promise that it can be done in 21 days or so by following a few easy steps. And, of course, by shelling out a few bucks for the book. Plus shipping and handling.
"The more you do it," Patricia A. Farrell, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Englewood, New Jersey, and author of "How to Be your Own Therapist," told WebMD, "the more difficult it is to get rid if it."
It's hard to pinpoint where the idea that it takes just 21 days to kick a bad habit began. Many cite a 1960 work from a plastic surgeon, Dr. Maxwell Maltz, who is regarded as a pioneer in the self-help book industry. His book, "Psycho-Cybernetics: A New Way to Get More Living Out of Life," centers on improving a person's self-image. Some of his advice for breaking bad habits: "To change a habit, make a conscious decision," he said, "then act out the new behavior."
Ahhh, if only it were that simple.
A lot of psychological and biological reasons exist to explain why it's so difficult to lose a bad habit. One important one: Some of our most enjoyable or satisfying actions (say, reaching for the salt or pulling off that oh-so-sweet crack of the knuckles) trigger the production of dopamine in the brain. Dopamine is present when we do it over and over again, creating the habit, Dr. Russell Poldrack, a neurobiologist at the University of Texas at Austin, says in this National Institute of Health feature. And dopamine creates a craving to repeat the behavior. Again and again and again.
So even when the behavior itself does not provide the satisfaction we crave — that salt just isn't making those fries taste any better, and that knuckle-crack was just okay — the body is telling you to keep going for it anyway.
It's important to keep in mind, as experts everywhere will tell you, that kicking a habit, even the nastiest of habits, is doable. Whole books — heck, whole libraries — are available to explain the steps that must be taken to break a bad habit and keep it broken. First off: acknowledging that there is a bad habit. Writing down your goals.  And "put your gym shoes where the remote is," Morin suggests for a start to kicking that TV addiction and getting in shape.
The better news is that trashing those bad habits and replacing them with good ones can be absolutely transformational. Even if it might take a little more than three weeks to do it.
By John Donovan
With thanks to MNN