Re -Train Your Brain To Happiness: Kindness

Showing posts with label Kindness. Show all posts

December 23, 2016

Merry Chrismas and a Happy New Year!

Another year gone, another on the way.

Hopefully this one will be even better!

There are some adults in charge again!

March 17, 2015

You Make A Difference!

Little random acts of kindness, gratitude and appreciation.

Yes, you can make a difference!

(Audio in English with subtitles in Chinese)

More about Og Mandino here.

Thanks to AW for this one!

July 08, 2014

Five Signs It's Time To Let Go Of A Friendship

This happens to all of us at some point in our lives so let's look for the rewards!
Surely finding better friends is one of them.

Clip above - Norah Jones, daughter of Ravi Shankar, yet a star in her own right: 'Not My Friend.'

Below: Barry Manilow: 'Some Kind of Friend.'

Ending a friendship can be hard — but it can be rewarding too.

There are 7 billion human beings on planet Earth, so if you are friends with someone who makes you feel crummy every time you're in their presence; directly (or passive-aggressively) insults you; is a racist or sexist; a liar; uses you for your work position, financial ability, rides, or any other aspect, it's time to get rid of them. As research has shown, who you surround yourself with matters — you take on at least some of that aspects of the people you spend time with, so if someone is negative and mean to you, it's not only bad for your mental health, it could lead to physical issues too.

At the same time, as you get older it can be difficult to make new friends (though not impossible; I wrote earlier about how to make friends as a grown-up). So how do you know if it's time to say goodbye to a friend — and how do you do it? (And I feel like I have some real bona fides giving this advice; I've separated from three very good friends over the years. Remember, that just makes room for positive, good friends in your life!)

Fights are OK, not listening isn't: A good, honest friendship between two adult human beings is bound to be fraught at times, so if you generally have a good relationship with your friend, and have occasional blowouts, realize that's perfectly normal — and it's pretty great that you and your friend can speak openly and honestly. As with any relationship, it's great to talk it out (and reconnect) after a fight, once you have cooled off. But if you routinely argue with your friend, and he or she refuses to listen or acknowledge your point of view, or the friend repeatedly brings up topics about which you always disagree simply to provoke you, or talks over you (basically talking at you but not with you), that's disrespectful. There's a difference between honest agreement and provocation.

Lying is not OK: If your friend lies to you — whether it's about who she is, her job, her family, or other aspects of her life, get out now. There are a surprisingly high number of liars in the world, and if a friend can't be honest about who they are with you, they have bigger mental health issues than just lying. Liars need people in their life who will listen to their stories, and a friend in this instance is just someone who will listen to and believe their stories. But that's not a real friendship. Of course, I'm not talking about white lies here — how much you spent on your vacation, or whether someone's butt looks big in a pair of pants (though if your good friends can't tell you that stuff, who will?). If you find yourself in a relationship with a liar, that's reason enough to end the friendship.

Demeaning you is never OK: It should go without saying, but if your friend is abusing you verbally — that includes insults, snide comments, and saying negative things to other friends or coworkers — end it, now.

Using you is not acceptable: If someone is only your friend for the benefits it brings them — access to certain places or people, money, rides, or freebies (food, yoga classes), they are not your friend; they are using you.

Not acting like a friend means they're not your friend: If you are constantly doing things for your "friend" — meeting at their place or taking them out, calling or emailing flying to see them, sending them gifts on their birthday — and they don't return those things in any similar way, that isn't a real friendship either.

Sometimes some of these things can be hard to see clearly, but if you are feeling uncomfortable about a friendship, take a close look and ask yourself if one or more of the things above are happening — after being friends for a long time, these instances might be hard to see. That was the case with me and two so-called friends that I had known since childhood and high school, respectively. Once you are honest with yourself about the fact that your friends aren't really acting like people who love and care for you, there's only one thing to do: break up with them.

How?

The only way that works is being straightforward and concise. I ended one of my friendships in person (messier than I wanted it to be, but effective) and another via email. Keep it simple. Tell the person you want out of the friendship. I wished both of my friends the best, but told them that we weren't cut out to be friends anymore. After a minimal back-and-forth in both cases (via email and in person), I cut the discussion off. And I refused any kind of contact for months (and in one case almost a year) later.

Once you've had your conversation, be strong — it's tempting to go back and explain yourself. Don't. We all have the right to end relationships that are hurtful to us for no other reason than that they are hurtful. You don't need to justify moving on.

How do you know you've made the right decision to break up with a friend? For me, immediately afterwards, I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness and freedom. The relief was overwhelming — though I did feel some guilt too, and that's normal. But when you make the right decision, you'll know it.

By Starre Vartan

With many thanks to MNN

April 22, 2013

Take the 100 day kindness challenge and contribute to a better world

COULD you be kind for 100 days straight? If everyone spent ten minutes a day quietly focusing on kindness the world would be a much better place to live. That's according to Wild Mild an online Buddhist group, run from the United States, who've kicked off a' kindness' challenge for the next 100 days.

That's right, kindness.

For one hundred days. If that sounds like a tall order, then you might also like to know you only have to spend ten minutes a day to join in and make a difference.

Kim Hollow, the president of the Federation of Australian Buddhist Councils told news.com.au you can't underestimate the power of positive thoughts.

"Meditation is integral to our [Buddhist] philosophy. And when we focus on kindness, we call it ‘metta meditation'. This basically means that kindness becomes the focus of our meditation for that particular day," he said.

Mr Hollow said the process requires between ten and thirty minutes a day, a quiet space and the ability to switch off all the other thoughts swirling around your head and just focus on kindness.

"This can take practice," admits Mr Hollows. "But persevere with yourself. Close your eyes and try and switch off for a moment. You can start by thinking of all the things you are grateful for in your life."

Another way to cultivate this kindness is to run through a list of people in your life and send them a wish for kindness and peace.

"Kindness in modern life really comes down to the way you conduct yourself, not just on a Sunday. Once you start you find it's actually easier to project kindness than hold resentment and anger. And it has a ripple effect. Your kind thoughts about others set you off on a good and peaceful path for the day," Mr Hollow said.

Skilled mediators, who can sit for up to an hour at a time, experience a transformation in their perception of the world.

Mr Hollow said when they open their eyes and report that everything just looks better. "Kindness meditation is all about trying to escape the conscious by tapping into the subconscious. It helps you focus on all the positives in life, rather than negative," he said.

Meditation tips for beginners
1.Sit down in a comfortable position
2.Close your eyes
3.Try and disconnect from everything around you and focus on one thing.

Do you meditate?
Would a challenge like this inspire you?
For more stories like this, follow @lucyjk on Twitter.